Gossip, Poetry, and General Labor
What would the forklift say to the crane about me?
I am scared of gossip not because I consider them ethically or morally wrong. I get scared the shit I launch onto others will circle the globe and land on my face someday.
But now I am starting to wonder if that would be better than playing Dutch oven with myself every day.Back when I tried to live as a full-time poet, I stared at the moon trying to understand the void I felt inside me.
When I decided to self-publish a poetry collection, I forgot the moon and the void was gone.
When I lost money and everyone said, ‘the poems are good but…’ the moon and the void were back.
Today I can hear what whispered in that void:
‘Make some money, move out, and drink expensive wine for god’s sake.’Now that I am thirty, I have started looking for financial stability. I want a stable and reliable 9–5 job now. That wasn’t the case when I was nineteen.
‘I’d rather die hungry than go 9–5,’ I told myself back then.
Ethics depends on age and circumstances.
Cause at nineteen, I told myself I would achieve happiness in life only and only if I could have sex with more women than Charlie Sheen has.
Today a good performance with my wife is more than enough to make me happy.I told my wife I was sick of staring at the grey paint of our apartment walls and that I wanted a richer background — a few paintings, a few hanging decorations, a mirror, perhaps.
‘Good idea,’ she said with a smile. ‘We can hang those clothes of yours lying on the floor too.’
At that moment, for some reason, Kurt Cobain’s image emerged in my mind.
My lifestyle as a 10:30 to 6:30 general laborer:
10:30- Okay, so this is what I’ll be doing today. Doesn’t look that bad.
11:00- I need to get better gloves.
11:30- I need to quit this job. There’s still one hour and fifty minutes to break.
12:00- I am wasting my life here. This is too boring. I am supposed to be writing life-changing words and saying cosmos-bending stuff.
12:20- Oh, there’s still one hour to go for break.
12:30- Yaa, I need to quit this work tomorrow. I don’t care.
12:31- But how will you earn your money. Your creations are going nowhere.
12:32- Now it’s thirty…fifty minus two…forty eight minutes
12:33- Here comes the supervisor. I wonder if he’s coming towards me to hand me a contract. Oh, he’s telling the forklift guy to take those bins away.
12:34- I was saying…
12:50- thirty minutes now. Wow.
12:51-I am wasting my life here. This is too boring. I am supposed to be writing life changing words and saying cosmos-bending stuff. Maybe I should start making videos too.
Also 12:51- I need to pee. There’s still thirty minus one, twenty nine minutes to break. I hope the machine stops.
12:55- I was saying…if I get a contract I’ll have a job guarantee for five months.
1:00- Alright! Twenty minutes.
1:01- Alright! Nineteen minutes.
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1:20- Alright! Break time.
1:35- How quickly these fifteen minutes pass! I wish the rest of the day went by similar.
1:36- Back to work. Hope I’m not late. Oh, no. I forgot to fill the water bottle.
1:37- Don’t look at the clock now. You still got…one thirty to four thirty is three hours…minus twenty minutes…two hours and forty minutes. Minus seven…ya… two hours and thirty three minutes for another break.
1:40–2:40 (Trance state induced by heavy lunch and machine sounds.)
2:41- Alright. One hour thirty minutes. I love her.
2:50- Here comes the supervisor. I wonder if he’s coming towards me to hand me a contract. Oh, he’s going to the washroom.
2:51- I was saying…if I get a contract I’ll have a job guarantee for five months…………………….I am wasting my life here. This is too boring. I am supposed to be writing life changing words and saying cosmos-bending stuff. Maybe I should start making videos too………………….I need to pee. There’s still one hour and twenty minus one…nineteen minutes for break. I hope the machine stops.
3:00- I am hungry. I have finished that rice already. I will have Sunchips. But that’s like two dollars.
3:01- Still (x) days till payday. I wanna increase that amount. Wonder how life will be if there’s one thousand every week. That’s like…times four…four thousand a month…I could get a car. But I can’t do things fast and have great things with this job. I need to start making money doing creative stuff. But, how?
3:10- One hour to break.
3:11- All the small things…How would that song sound if Metallica….no….Slay…no early Metallica played it…chug-chug…jch-jch-jch-jch-jch-jch-jch-jch
3:20- fuck me fuck you fuck everything we do. fuck me fuck you fuck everything we do. fuck me fuck you fuck everything we do.
3:21- Let me think of the first day I came to Canada…
3:30-Alright. Forty minutes.
3:31- I can’t live my dreams with this job. I need to start making money doing creative stuff. But, how?
3:31- Thirty-nine minutes
3:32- Okay, now…how would Seek and Destroy sound if Blink 182 played it. Were scanning the swayeen…
3:32–3:50- Semi-trance
3:50- Twenty minutes
3:51- Alright! Nineteen minutes.
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4:10- Alright! Break time.
4:30- How quickly these twenty minutes pass! I wish the rest of the day moved similar.
4:31- Back to work. Hope I’m not late. Oh, no. I forgot to fill the water bottle, again. Fuck you.
4:32: Okay, two hours. I can do this.
4:40- I was saying…if I get a contract…………………….I am waaaasting….This is toooooooooooooooooooo boooo~ring. I just wanna make money by writing….but what and how?
life changing words and cosmos-bending stuff. videos too………………….
I feeel sleeeeeeepeeeeeee. Only ten minutes have passed since the break. I hope the machine stops.
4:41–5:41 (Trance state induced by heavy lunch, machine sounds, and sleep.)
5:41- Alriiiiiight…fifty minussss… one….forty one plus fifty is…twenty is six…plus thirty…..is six thirty….
5:42- So how do I make money through my creative work?
I am just tired. I just wanna go home and sleep. What should I eat after I get home.
5:43- when it was 41 it was forty-nine minutes to the end of shift…two has passed so…forty seven.
5:44- forty-six minutes to go
5:44- still forty-six minutes to go
5:45- alright! forty-five minutes to go
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6:30- Let’s get outta here. Woooooo!
NEXT DAY:
10:30- Okay, so this is what I’ll be doing today. Doesn’t look that bad.
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the NEXT DAY (IF IT’S FRIDAY:)
10:30- Okay, so this is what I’ll be doing today. Doesn’t look that bad. It’s Friday. Wooooo!